When I am thirty I will not
1. get preventative botox/complain about wrinkles
2. train for a marathon
3. date people much younger than me
4. buy a puppy, worship the puppy
5. complain about being alone forever
6. join a church
--New York, NY

When I am 30 I will not

1) Talk like I know anything about wine
2) Tell college students that uni years are the best of their lives
3) Display ornaments from a East African tribe on a bookcase when I ordered them off the internet, but have no idea what countries are actually in East Africa
4) Talk really seriously about politics/economics in bars on a Friday night
5) Act like smoking weed makes me a total badass
6) Refer to the Obamas as Barack and Michelle (cue the many 30 somethings I know who refer to the Clintons as Bill and Hillary)
7) Get irritated by new technology, claiming that its the consumerist nature of the world today that pisses me off, rather than the fact that I just have no idea how to use an iPhone
8) Send Christmas e-mails detailing the most boring details of my 30 year old life
9) Listen to Britney Spears because she is "the symbol of my generation" (cue 30 year olds obsessed with Madonna's Immaculate Collection)
10) Dress like a 21 year old and then bitch about the frivolity of 20 somethings.

---Yorkshire, England

When I'm thirty...

I won't lie about my age, 30's going to rock
I won't wear Abercrombie Clothes and be that sketchy older gay man who pretends to be 24
I won't have a nervous breakdown and cry into a designer pillow
I won't shack up with college age boys, preying on their sense of naivete that an older man wants to spend time with them
I won't complain when my favorite TV shows from high school days are on Nick at Nite

--Los Angeles, CA

When I am 30 I will NOT

1.) Kill myself.

2.) Spend hundreds of dollars on quack anti-aging products.

3.) Unilaterally decide to become a homeowner.

4.) Buy one of those Reborn dolls and pretend that it's a real child.

5.) Make fun of people who have those Reborn dolls and pretend that it's a real child.

6.) Complain that I am too old to stay out late.

7) Tell people younger than me that if they don't like the music I like, it's because they weren't around long enough to really "get" it.

8) Quit my job just because.

9.) Wear shawls.

10.) Start pretending that I know anything about or even like jazz.

--New York, NY